So it's another spring season and today is Easter and for me this day brings significant meaning in my life, as it may for you. But it also brings out a lot of tender emotions, as it may for you too.
It’s interesting how spring has a way for bringing out new growth externally around us kind of to remind us to bring out the new growth internally from within us.
There was a good decade where I was unable to feel that growth and the warmth of the sun to join in with the world to step into spring. I would step back into winter unable to feel the warmth noticing myself starting to spiraling downward. I was unable to acknowledge growth because I was so full of fear. Fear to do another season, spring, Easter without my Angel son.
I recently came across a journal entry back from April 2, 2018 and this is what it said.
“Easter is here again, where is my resurrection. Why do I have to do another Easter without my son. I feel so lost. This is such a lonely walk to walk. I can feel myself withdrawing from everyone. I can’t feel the warmth of Spring. I can't seem to step up and create anything new. I want to just hide."
Reading that journal entry, first of all I had so much compassion, you can still hear the heaviness that was still there. Secondly, I so admired this journal entry because there was that awareness. Awareness of what I was feeling, what I thinking, what I was noticing. This was so powerful because I was starting to step out of the fear, by noticing what was not of me.
Acknowledge that fear is there, and learning to not let fear control us is the walk we practice. How? By moving from Fear to stepping into Love. Why? Because Love is where we process things. Love is where we are able to step into asking deeper questions like, “What can I do differently. What am I not doing that I could start doing to feel the warmth of the sun & create new spring growth?"
Honestly want to tell you that I woke up this morning feeling all the feelings. And if you are feeling all the feelings with Easter & Spring and perhaps you are feeling you are being left out again. Perhaps you’re not able to feel the warmth. Perhaps you’re not able to step into that embrace of Spring. Perhaps you feel like you are spiraling backwards and stepping back into winter. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. I hear you. I feel you. I see you.
I want to tell you, that when I start to see my emotions it usually surfaces up as the same emotion all the time. It’s anger.
Take a moment and acknowledge what is that main emotion that surfaces up for you? Notice where it constantly shows up in your body. Our emotions are just communication. They are communicating with us in a certain way to get us to pay attention .
Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s usually covering up a deeper emotion. When I start feeling anger, I start feeling resentful, snappy, I want to sleep, hide, avoid and run because I'm sad. There’s an underlining sadness that my body is trying to help me pay attention to my heart brain. It has something that needs to be seen, heard & felt. When I listen to the emotion, then I’m able to start feeling it. When I start feeling the emotion finally start to release.
My tears released the communication while I sat at my worship service. Something super profound was shared, “You may want to run away from where you are. But you should never want to run away from who you are.” And that hit me so hard.
There were many many times over the past decade where I would get so full of anger and I would jump in the car and run away. I would drive to a special place that I knew would help calm me down. Once I parked that’s when the sadness of the tears would communicate. I would sit there and just cry and cry and cry.
If you are feeling lots of tender emotions with spring with Easter, Please do not judge yourself. Just bring that awareness of that tenderness, maybe it’s time to communicate with your heart brain. Take note of the inward growth that’s trying to blossom. It's just helping you so you can feel the warmth of the sunshine with everyone else around you. So step into that light a little more. Even though it might be scary, even though it might be hard, remember there is no fear in love.
I just wanted to create this special podcast because of Easter & Spring time, to send you a little bit of hope, a little bit of love, a little bit of encouragement reminding you that you are human. And that it’s ok to be feeling all the feelings, feeling all the emotions. You aren’t alone, I am feeling them too.
So let’s just be human together. Let’s just keep rebuilding that beautiful life because there is hope with the grief journey, we don’t have to feel lost in the middle of it.
In Healing & Hope, Tanya ((hugs))
So if you feel you need more support with this, you can find me at rebuildbeautifulcoaching.com
Or you can email me personally at email@example.com