Hello Sweet Mommas. It’s Tanya Mathison here with Rebuild Beautiful Coaching.
So, last week, I ran my first marathon in honor of my Angels and my Mantra has been for the whole training, ‘I run with my Angels and my Angels run with me.’ And I wanted to tell you something very special that happened while I was running a marathon for the first time. So, running the first miles, I would think of one Angel. Then at the next mile I would think of another Angel. I was able to think of each of my Angels up to mile 7 where I finally get into what we call a runners high. This is where I feel in the groove, my heart, my breathing , my running legs are all regulated and I’m not fighting, I’m able to run on auto and just enjoy the experience.
So, I have my Angels to thank for helping me to get into a nice rhythm, a nice flow all the way to until I came to a spot on mile 17 where I got lost. This route was pretty well labeled with helping you to follow the trail, except for this one point and at this point I was kind-of alone. I was kind of slower than the really fast people and I was a little faster than the runners behind me and I found myself to be utterly alone and I kind-of started to panic.
This is when an amazing thing happened that I wanted to share with you. So, as I got closer to this point I had to make a decision to go left or to go right. Suddenly this gentleman comes running up behind me. And it looked exactly like one of my angels that I was running in honor of. I almost wanted to say his name and say Hello! But I knew it couldn’t really be him, but it looked exactly like him. Instead of saying Hello, I said, "I don’t know which way to go." And this Angel who look exactly like my cousin, spoke very firmly, very kindly, very professionally, very lovingly, just like cousin would, He said, "This way, we go this way." Then he lead the way to the right, and I followed. And of course I would follow my cousin. So, I followed this Angel, clearly knowing that there was no around me and I couldn’t help but wonder if that really was my Angel Cousin. Maybe he knew I would need his help because this would be such a big undertaking for myself to run a full marathon.
Then another interesting thing happened, the Angel was so fast that he had time to run quite aways ahead and by then I knew which way to go the route was pretty much marked. And he gets to a place where he pulls off on the left next to this river to take in the Beautiful view of the mountains and the sky, it was a beautiful blue day, it’s not too hot, it’s not too cold, it’s just perfect. And he stands there and he takes a picture. And I think what marathon runner would stop and take a picture unless it's someone who has never been there before & wants to remember this image, this experience, this moment.
I couldn’t help but think that this had to be my Angel Cousin coming to help me, coming to remind me to enjoy each moment of each step. I get out my Camera, I’m fumbling right because I had my music playing but put it on low so I could ask him which way to go. I got my phone out my pocket and I take a picture of his backside from the distance because I didn’t want to get too close or seem like a weirdo. I take a picture of him because I just knew that it was my Angel Cousin. As soon as I take the picture he had moved on and went down the trail went around the corner I never saw him again.
Today, as I look back at that picture, it is a beautiful reminder that our Angels are always around us to bear us up. That we can call on them for strength because we’re never alone. Even though sometimes when we’re walking our Journey of Grief it can feel so lonely, we can feel so lost, and we can feel so confused in the world that seems to be going so fast. Like they are running so fast, moving so fast and it can feel like we’re missing out. I’ve noticed that when I try to keep up with a pace that I don’t align with, I can get overwhelmed, feel anxiety, even end up in bed or I’ll notice a new physical form of pain or aches in my body. Does that sound familiar to you as well?
This beautiful experience reminded me how special our Angels are. And how intuned they are to knowing what we need of support from them, in the moment we need them. And to remember to stop and make the time to take that picture of that beautiful river, with the beautiful mountains, on that beautiful day to remember these small moments that we are creating. Because we’re still living, engaging the best we can and that is all that matters.
So, as the race continued and I arrived to mile 24 my legs were beyond tired and it was so hard to keep them moving that I started to cry. I only had 2 miles left, 2 miles, which would’ve been less than 30 minutes, but it was so hard on my body.
I watched another lady and she had given herself permission to walk and I thought what would it look like if I gave myself permission to walk. If she could give herself permission, I could give myself permission too. So I started waking. I found it so interesting how hard it was for me to allow myself the space to pause, make that choice with my agency, to stay in alignment with my body.
I started the race with the idea that I had to keep running no matter what. But you don’t always have to run, you can jog, you can walk. In life we don’t have to run and keep up with everyone else, we can jog, we can walk. It’s just the moving forward is the goal. So, sometimes we get to those forks in the road and we don’t know which way to go and when we think I can’t do two more miles. I can’t do two minutes. I can’t do two more days or two more months….whatever that two is for you. I’m sure you said some like that recently too. And so I looked at those 2 miles with really really tired legs and I thought, "I may not be able to do it running but I am going to try my best and just finish the very best they can. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, I’m just here to do my best."
So, when you when you come up to that fork in the road Sweet Momma, and you feel like I just can’t go any further, what if you were to say, "Maybe I can’t run, but I can walk. And I’m going to do my very best because that’s all that matters." This will allow you the permission to do things a little differently that serves you.
We are living lives differently with Grief, so we have to respond to life in a different way. We have to give ourselves options, we have to give ourselves choices to try things in different ways. As I allowed myself the space to walk, it gave my body renewed strength to move forward a little faster, and then a little faster. And I had enough energy to not just run across the finish line, but to Sprint. I had saved up extra energy by allowing myself to walk in the time I needed to walk. So I could sprint in the time that felt right and felt good & aligned to sprint.
So, Sweet Mommas, I don’t know exactly where you are on your Grief journey. Perhaps you are at the fork in the road and your trying to decide do you go left or do you go right? Maybe you are feeling just so confused. It’s OK if that’s where you’re at. Maybe you’re down at that 24 mile mark, learning how to give yourself permission to stop running, to stop keeping up with the world, to stop keeping that pace other people are telling you that you should be moving.
Give yourself permission to live your life at your pace, so you can fill your reservoir. So when the time comes for you to get out and play with your your family, your children, your grandchildren, your fur babies you can sprint with them out of love & abundance. And because you took the time to fill that reservoir and to align yourself you will be able to have the energy to really be there and cross that finish line whatever that looks like for you.
So this is my experience with my marathon this past week, it was such a powerful message that it’s imprinted on my heart and I wanted to share this with you Sweet Mommas because I feel it could really resonate with you on this Grief journey.
I want you to know that you are not alone that I’m always in your corner. And I also wanted to tell you that my 12 week Rebuild Beautiful Self-Guided Course if FINALLY up and available for you to start today! It offers 6 weeks of Mental Fitness for your Mental Health support and 6 weeks of Awareness Steps for your Emotional support of Grief and Loss. Here’s the direct link: https://square.link/u/7AqM8WRV
And you can always find it at: rebuildbeautifulcoaching.com
So, till next time my please know I’m always in your corner. Don’t be a stranger, feel free to reach out to me at:
Thanks friends.
Always in your Corner, Tanya ((hugs))
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